The parts of my body I really disliked growing up have been altered considerably, and other parts that weren't changed by pregnancy, but I wasn't a fan of, are still there.
After my first child turned 1, I ran a lot, it's something i've always enjoyed but at that time in my life it was an excuse to get out of the house and to get away from my crazy head. I was essentially 'running' away from my issues rather than facing them and fixing them. I was extremely stressed, anxious and was dealing with post natal depression. I didn't know who I was anymore or what my purpose was in life other than to look after my little one and to make it through each day.
Yet although I had ultimately obtained this body I always wanted, it didn't make me feel happy/confident/pretty/sexy/attractive like I always thought it would, in fact, I didn't really feel anything at all, just numb and full of tears.
After the many ups and downs and changes in my body over the years, I actually feel at peace now more than I ever have with my body shape, and who I am as a person. A big part of this was accepting the parts I wasn't a fan of, and celebrating the parts I did like.
Life surely still has its moments, but I don't care or worry about my body at all, and my lack of caring has made a huge difference to my wellbeing and self respect. The way I look on the outside is not only one less stress I need to worry about in my life, but it's also something I never want my girls to worry about so I'm really proud that I can now be a good role model for them.
I have worked really hard to get to the place I am now, and I will continue to work on my self development as time goes on because lets face it, there's always new obstacles, always new things we learn about ourselves, and always new life stages for us to deal with.
I wanted to share this information about myself because there is a message I wanted to get across. When a client comes to me wanting to lose weight or who has an eating disorder, I immediately outline that we have to work out their reasons why they want to do it or why they are currently doing what they are. I ask them because I have been in both positions and....
Weight loss DID NOT promise me the things I thought it would.
You have to look beyond the change in body shape, figure out what it is you'll get from weight loss, and then START ACTING ON THAT OUTCOME NOW, not when you've 'lost weight'. Because if you can't accept the person you are now, you won't be able to accept yourself no matter what size you are. And although it may feel like you're taking a step backwards by stopping and dealing with what's actually going on instead of focusing on 'losing weight', you'll actually discover you've found what you needed to move you forward all along.